Funny Stuff

Gotta start with the Colorectal Surgeon Song!

Books for children of all ages:

Bottoms up! and Sing a Song of Bottoms! (Featuring G-rated portraits of a pirate and a python, among others)  by Jeanne WIllis, with Adam Stower illustrations.  Puffin Paperbacks

Where It All Starts:

Here's a song for the colorectal surgeon!   

Why we still need toilet paper and how to hang it!  

A French ad - no need to speak French!  http://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0   

http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/cleaning-organizing/right-way-to-hang-toilet-paper

"Hindsight"  

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"Google-oscopies?"

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More on those Colonoscopies

Colonoscopy


Kid Stuff

Toilet joke


Hold it! 

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And Just Plain Fun

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And now, some “places to visit” for anal cancer patients:

Happy Bottom; Scratchy Bottom: Rotten Bottom…and 22 other bottoms…end it all with Shitterton.  They all exist in Great Britain.. Check it out!

http://www.lifedeathprizes.com/lists/25-of-the-best-bottoms-in-britain-36972

 But Officer, that's Just Poop!

Nigerian comic actor "Baba Suwe" was detained at Lagos Airport by the Nigerian version of the Drug Enforcement Agency, on suspicion of having swallowed drugs in order to smuggle them to France.  The lawmen threw him in jail to monitor his bowel movements  - and finally, three weeks and 25 drug-free poops later, let him go.  (For some of us, it wouldn't take three weeks to produce 25 poops!)  

    And More on Poop:

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Everything comes down to Poo!  Funny stuff from the Scrubs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsVgi8hoFFc

We all need this:

http://www.dailyfinance.com/2014/11/22/kohler-odor-eating-toilet-seat/

And some (serious & funny) instruction on how to poop right:  

http://www.daveywaveyfitness.com/?s=do+you+poop+right 

Looking for the Loo? 

Check out Toilets of the World by Morna E. Gregory and Sian James!

And what you'll need in that loo:

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(Supplied by a friend who swears it really was produced for sale by a non-English-speaking manufacturer)

Sale sign in Australia - there will be times when you wish you could buy one!      

Tight Ass

          

     Words and phrases that will have a new meaning for you now:

Anal-retentive.

All that trouble is behind me.

The bottom line is...

This has been a really sh*tty day.

It’ll all come out OK.

I have fanny fatigue.

I’m pooped.

That scares the sh*t out of me.

Nice ass.

What an assh*le that guy is.

Here’s the scuttle-butt.

He's on the poop deck.

Butter my butt and call me a biscuit! 

Gas up and go!

Good to go! (What you want is "Good to Not Go!"

       Some Medical Terms (yes, I was raised in the South)

Cat Scan – searching for the kitty

Morbid -  A better offer

Node – knew it

Pelvis – second cousin to Elvis

Recovery – re-upholstering that old sofa

Rectum – d*mn near killed him

        More medical terms:

Hemis - no one can be bothered to spell "hemorrhoids" right every time!

Kittens - nickname for "waste material," also called "poop," “poo” “”crap,” “sh*t” and a host of other such names.  Every language that I’ve encountered has such words – e.g., French – “merde,” and they are similarly used to express annoyance or worse.

Scanxiety - being anxious about an upcoming CT-scan

NDY – Not Dead Yet

(ht to my friends on the Rare Cancer Alliance page)

      Mottos

Butt, butt…it can’t be cancer!

When you have anal cancer, your problems are all behind you.

Anal cancer is a pain in the butt!

Advertising slogan for Bucky's truckstops - You Can Hold It!  (No, I can't!)

Charmin toilet tissue - "Enjoy the Go!"   (No, I don't!)


      Anal Cancer Stress Levels

Ants in my pants;

Boars in my drawers;

Yaks in my slacks;

Moose in my caboose!

  E-Mooning Assicons

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile, and :( is a frown.. 


How about some 'ASSICONS’ for ‘e-mooning?'

(_!_) a regular ass 


(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_*_) an ass  hole

(_zzz_) a tired asshttp://www.buttdrugs.com/shop/

(_?_) a dumb ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_xoxo_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

       Products

Check out the Butt Drugs stuff -  yes, it’s a real drugstore, and where else would anal cancer patients shop?

Anti Monkey Butt Powder This product is said to treat the chafed skin that occurs after motorcycle riding.  Well, I’d wager that Pelvic Radiation Irritation tops that!  And the bottom line (sorry): it comes in screaming pink for lady sufferers or a more sedate shade for the gents.  

Boudreaux's Butt Paste - well, what else would you want to use on your sore rear end?

    Anal Cancer Patients Know This Feeling!

Bent Object

(Thanks to Terry Border - for more of this strange and wonderful view of the world, see his Bent Objects blog)


    The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of their two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist (today’s colorectal surgeon).  They put up a sign reading:

    "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors" 

The town council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read:

     "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids"

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign.

     "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.

Next, they tried:

     "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"  - thumbs down again.

Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes"- unacceptable again!

 So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts"  - not a chance.

                      "Nuts and Butts"

- no way.

                       "Freaks and Cheeks"

- still no good.

                        "Loons and Moons"

- forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:

                       "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones

                   Specializing in Odds and Ends".

Everyone loved it!

    A Cancer Humor Website

Yes, there really is one, here

    Prunes, anyone?

Anyone who's experienced the "Tight End" phase of recovery will enjoy this.

    Anal Cancer Patients Dating Service!

A friend sent me this, without any cartoonist signature.   If you know who drew it, please send me a message!


 

A Sticker for Your Car:

Ass Family

 A Holiday Wish:

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And one more joke:

This ad sounds like something that anal cancer patients might say: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL4lSavSepc&feature=youtu.be%0DShip%20my%20pants!

Some funny stuff about medical terminology; my favorite might be "rectum - nearly killed 'em!" 

 http://www.jeffcoy.com/gems/docs/Medical%20Terminology.pdf

http://www.jokes2go.com/lists/list135.htmlHowho

Especially for those readers in the UK and Australia:

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Colon Instagram

Just one more!

Xray Humor


The importance of not relying on “spell check:”

Anal egg hunt


And for those who remember “Where’s Waldo?”


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© H. M. Carter-Tripp 2012